[WELCOME TO HUXMARK! YOUR ONE-STOP PORTAL FOR THE SURREAL, THE GREATEST DEALS OF YOUR LIFE, AND THE ABSOLUTELY IRRESISTIBLE. NOW I BET YOU’RE WONDERING—“OH! OH! WHAT IS THIS? WHAT’S YOUR STORY?”]
[WELL I’M GLAD YOU ASKED! HERE AT HUXMARK, WE HAVE ONLY ONE MISSION: TO GIVE YOU THE BEST DEALS IN THIS ENTIRE NARRATIVE!]
[WHY, YOU MAY ASK? WELL AREN’T YOU NOSY! TELL YOU WHAT—VISIT EVERY PAGE ON THIS WEBSITE, AND I’LL GIVE YOU A TREAT. I’LL EVEN LET YOU IN ON HOW WE OPERATE... AND MAYBE OFFER A SPECIAL PRIZE OF THE GREEN VARIETY.]
[CHEATERS ARE ALMOST AS BAD AS CHEAPSKATES.]
[NO TRYING TO GET AROUND THE SITE ITSELF. THAT MEANS NO INSPECT ELEMENT, NO SOURCE CODE PEEKING, NO DEV TOOLS. I WORKED HARD ON THIS, AND I’LL BE DAMNED IF YOU CHEAT YOUR WAY THROUGH IT.]
[NO AI FOR SOLVING PUZZLES. NO RIDDLES, NO BRUTE-FORCING, NO GPT THIS OR THAT. IF YOU NEED A BINARY-TO-TEXT SITE? FINE. BUT YOUR BRAIN DOES THE WORK, NOT YOUR BOTS.]
[WRITE YOUR CODES DOWN. THE SITE WON’T REMEMBER THEM FOR YOU. I WON’T REMEMBER THEM FOR YOU. (I FORGET THINGS ON PURPOSE—IT’S PART OF THE CHARM.)]
[NO SHARING WALKTHROUGHS OR CODES. THIS ISN’T A GROUP PROJECT. IF I WANTED EVERYONE TO KNOW THE SECRETS, I’D SCREAM THEM THROUGH A MEGAPHONE MADE OF TEETH... SUBJECT TO CHANGE.]
[DON’T TRY TO RANDOMLY GUESS FUTURE URLS, BUT DO GUESS WITH INTENTION. DONT JUMP AHEAD, NO RANDOM SLASHES OR NUMBER COMBOS. YOU’LL JUST RUIN THE PACING—AND PROBABLY GET CONFUSED.]
[IF IT FEELS LIKE CHEATING? DON’T DO IT. JUST ASK! I WON’T EVEN CHARGE YOU. IN FACT, I MIGHT GIVE YOU A HINT. MAYBE. (NO GUARANTEES.)]
[IF SOMETHING BREAKS—OWN IT. IF YOU GLITCH THE SITE, LET ME KNOW. BUT DON’T ACT INNOCENT WHEN I SEE YOUR DIGITAL FINGERPRINTS INSIDE <SCRIPT> TAGS.]
[ABOVE ALL ELSE: HAVE FUN. HAHA.]
[OH—AND ONE MORE THING.]
[THERE WILL BE A QUIZ AT THE END TO MAKE SURE YOU DID IT ALL RIGHT. HOPE YOU WERE PAYING ATTENTION.]